Chapter 6

The sage Shakala ( Shakalya's father) awoke from his deep trance with an awareness of pain. It arose from the innermost depth and told him to wake. Why this pain? Had he not succeeded in drowning it? Then why did it come back to him from long, long ago? What face does it wear and what voice? A child forsaken long ago, in the vaults of time, is a child still. It does not grow; it does not die. It merely cries through the ages, raising its arms. You cannot silence it with threats of reprimand. There are no laws that can punish a child. The child does not know the why and wherefore. The pain has the face of a child and the child has the face of pain. The pain has a body and a voice, but no name. Will he ever be liberated from this bondage of pain?

 Can a father ever be liberated from the memory of a forsaken child?

The sage Shakala felt old, very very old. He felt, he had outlived his suffering. His knowledge of the Vedas and decades of meditation- what did they teach him? Did he conquer suffering? Or was he conquered by it? After decades of oblivion, if the pain could come back with such defiance, will it not follow him unto death? Will it not be born with him again to tell its tale? What is man supposed to do with his memory? No exercise in self-restraint has the power to banish memory. One can bear and understand the death someone with whom one could relate. Shakala had experienced it when his wife died. But this suffering, this pain of leaving behind something created out of your own flesh and blood, something that you made, but never understood,something that left you and moved into another orbit; - what is one to do with such pain?
Shakala closed his eyes again and tried to meditate. Was liberation as the seers knew it, really attainable? He had lived his life in the simple faith in the efficacy of sacrifice. But no sacrifice could liberate him. Nothing would liberate him from this pain. In fact, if he had realized anything, it was this: Liberation is not the result of efforts. He must learn to live with this pain. How could the contemplation of the Self bring ecstasy, when it could not even bring peace? Shakala's mind closed in agony. He repeated to himself, “Yes, I have lived long enough. It is time to go now. It is time to go to another land where I will not be husband to a wife, nor father to a son. I will be the 'One without Another'But something held him back. Unless he could untie the knot,he would not be able to go ahead.